How to Deal with a Narcissist: 6 Strategies for Self-Protection
Dealing with someone who exhibits narcissistic traits can feel like navigating a minefield. It's likely you are here because you are wondering how to deal with a narcissist in your life. Whether it's a family member, coworker, or romantic partner, the constant need for admiration and lack of empathy can take its toll.
Understanding what drives a narcissistic person can be powerful. You'll learn how to protect your mental well-being. This is important for many as these patterns have become far more prevalent over the decades.
Table of Contents:
Recognizing Narcissistic Personality Traits
The Spectrum of Narcissism
Types of Narcissists
Narcissism and Genetics
How to Deal With a Narcissist's Behavior
Setting Boundaries
Don't Engage in Arguments
Maintain Emotional Distance
Building Self-Esteem
Seeking Support
Acceptance and Realistic Expectations
Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation
Knowing When to Walk Away
How a Therapist Can Help
Conclusion
Recognizing Narcissistic Personality Traits
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a legitimate mental health condition. It's characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for excessive attention and admiration, and troubled relationships.
Only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose someone as a narcissistic person based on set criteria. However, the DSM-5-TR outlines it.
Common narcissistic personality traits might include a sense of entitlement or arrogance. Others might find themselves dealing with manipulation or gaslighting.
The Spectrum of Narcissism
It is thought that about 1-2% of the population is impacted by narcissism. While this may sound low, Jean Twenge shared some important details back in 2009. Professor Twenge found that since the 1980's, we are seeing an increase in the number of people dealing with a personality disorder.
It's not all black and white. People can exhibit narcissistic traits without having a full-blown personality disorder.
Research shows that narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some people have extreme behaviors, exhibiting many harmful behaviors. Others have more subtle tendencies that aren't very strong.
Types of Narcissists
There are a few categories that help people to make sense of the types of people impacted by narcissistic personality traits.
One type is grandiose narcissism, with its bold and attention-seeking style. There's also vulnerable narcissism which appears as defensiveness and hypersensitivity.
A third is communal narcissism, which revolves around doing good for others. Those with communal narcissism want to appear virtuous, often seeking admiration for their perceived selflessness.
Narcissism and Genetics
Is narcissism something we inherit, or does it all come from our life experiences? Some think it could actually be both.
A 2014 study of twins in China suggested that genetics may influence things. Grandiosity and a feeling of entitlement seemed to run in families.
Other studies compared adopted and biological children, and their traits. Biological kids were more aligned with how their narcissistic parents acted, indicating genetics can be a real deal here.
How to Deal With a Narcissist's Behavior
The impacts of being around narcissistic behavior vary greatly, depending on your situation and personality type. Understanding effective coping skills can give you an advantage. Coping skills often need to be practiced to develop mastery.
Amy Brunell is a Professor of psychology who often speaks to narcissism. In a scientific article she addresses, you can "cope when youâre in a relationship with a narcissist."
Setting Boundaries
People with a personality disorder don't always respect the boundaries of other people. Setting clear, firm boundaries is important for self-preservation.
Setting clear boundaries is an art. Start with your core needs. State your limits, firmly, calmly, and directly; boundaries set up expectations. If the behavior is happening with a co-worker or even boss, use a communication channel you can print, email is great for that.
It's essential to enforce clear consequences when boundaries are violated. Consistency is crucial to show that you are serious about maintaining your limits. Remember that the narcissist is unlikely to change.
Don't Engage in Arguments
Narcissists often try to start arguments. Narcissists are known for using manipulation or gaslighting. Instead, be firm but civil and calmly repeat what you know to be true.
Avoid giving in and being reactive. Make sure they know they are not able to get under your skin.
Narcissists love to bait and enrage partners during conflicts. It can make them feel like a source of authority.
Maintain Emotional Distance
Sometimes, taking space, is the healthiest move. This doesn't mean you condone bad behaviors. Emotional detachment involves being neutral with all communication to stay level-headed. Learning how to remain calm in all situations can take time.
Emotional distance is one way of setting a boundary that is very valuable when someone has shown abusive behavior. When dealing with narcissists, feel free to keep your responses brief and factual, avoiding emotional reactions. Emotional distance does not mean ignoring the person.
Building Self-Esteem
One of the core features of a narcissist, as identified by Brunell and her team, is they think everyone should make them the focus. So one great tip, that they will struggle to notice is building strong self-esteem for your mental health.
Prioritize self-care. Practice self-compassion by learning more and building a growth mindset.
These actions help build up inner strength and create resilience that protects your emotional health when navigating challenging relationships. Consider adding positive self-talk into your day. Use positive affirmations to start.
Seeking Support
There's support all around, when you know what you are needing. Therapy can help those on either side, if people want to get real with the truth of who they are today.
Find local resources who get the challenges you have and find new connections in this. It is also very beneficial to connect with people who have similar life experiences as you.
There are also many support resources for your consideration too:
Acceptance and Realistic Expectations
Accepting the limitations of how a narcissist acts doesn't condone the behavior. Instead, it allows you to plan ahead.
Acceptance helps reduce frustration when a narcissist is self absorbed and you know it. Knowing they lack empathy helps reduce the mental strain.
It's time to make some important choices when dealing with a family member. Setting realistic expectations is going to be one of your biggest hurdles when dealing with family members.
Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation
Dealing with a narcissist creates a lot of stress. Relaxation and mindfulness practices reduce that impact and improve decision-making.
Relaxation techniques help calm the body. Deep breathing or meditation helps regulate emotions.
This increases well-being and emotional resilience, when needed most. Consider finding an accountability partner to grow together on this.
Knowing When to Walk Away
Sometimes the best solution is the hardest one. Step away, physically if possible, but also by learning all that is understood on this topic.
Narcissists rarely accept bad behaviors or apologize for causing you issues. Remember this as your move forward to heal. A lack of accountability can be an indicator that you might want to walk away.
Consider if any abuse or gaslighting has been present in the situation with the other person. Are they name calling you or ignoring what you know to be real?
The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides 24/7 support at 1-800-799-7233.
How a Therapist Can Help
Therapists provide useful insights when handling narcissism in relationships. Therapy guides healthy coping and helps maintain healthy support. It gives effective steps for communicating. Consider different modalities of support, such as, online therapy services, to expand options.
Therapy also equips people with the skills to deal with narcissistic abuse or gaslighting. Talking through past emotions helps empower people to move on.
Conclusion
Learning how to deal with a narcissist involves a balance of setting boundaries and prioritizing your well-being. Accepting who someone is and focusing on self-care improves this difficult scenario, especially in long-term relationships. A qualified mental health professional is always your best path forward.
Narcissists often are great at making big future plans, and saying all you want to hear. Don't buy in until action has been taken and proven for extended times.
It is possible to have a calm, productive relationship by being calm yourself. With the tips mentioned earlier and through professional help, you learn what to do and the steps to follow to support this outcome with someone exhibiting personality disorder issues.
